Let’s talk about a subject that no kayak angler wants to discuss, but we all experience sooner or later: turtling. If you deny flipping your kayak, then you are either a raw newbie or a stone cold liar.
Members of the Jersey Boys Kayak Fishing Club have taken our turtling efforts to a new level. We rate our falls with bronze, silver and gold turtle stickers displayed proudly on our kayaks—upside down of course. Here is how the grading system works.
How to Earn the Coveted Gold Turtle Award
Bronze Turtle
A bronze turtle can be awarded for any wetness/muddiness greater than 50 percent of the body. One does not have to fully flip his kayak and the episode does not need to be witnessed. If anyone returns to our launch site at the end of a tourney and is muddy or wet above the beltline, the proud angler is awarded a bronze turtle.
Silver Turtle
To earn a silver turtle sticker it takes a full flip of the kayak with at least one witness who can describe in detail the event—after they finish laughing hysterically, of course.
Gold Turtle
The coveted gold turtle really hurts. This entails a full flip in front of at least three club mates and a loss of gear no less than $100 in value. Kayakers vying for this award rightfully shun any type of leashes or floats that may protect gear from loss. A gold turtle is priceless—until the winner goes to the tackle shop.
Platinum Turtle
In the history of the Jersey Boys, only one platinum turtle sticker has ever been awarded and I am honored to have been the one who earned it. The epic dunk happened at our local launch and was witnessed by all club members. The rest of the world who missed the agony of my defeat are able to watch the fall on YouTube.
I had just purchased a new-fangled kayak that is stable enough to stand in. I was demonstrating the shiny boat’s stability and talking all kinds of trash to my fellow competitors. All the noise and commotion caught the attention of a large snapping turtle that surfaced next to my kayak. When I saw the ugly beast, I flipped out. Literally.
I did a full backflip with a half turn while screaming like a little girl. I even stuck the landing and broke my tibia. The only thing that hurt more than the fracture was my wounded pride. I wasn’t too concerned about my broken leg—after all, I’m a paddler.
Tom “SICk Yakker” Philippi is a founding member of the South Jersey Kayak Bass Fishing Club. Trailer is a regular column in Kayak Angler.
If you deny flipping your kayak, then you are either a raw newbie or a stone cold liar. | Feature photo: James Mirakian
Ah yes… I have my Gold Turtle prominently placed on my desk… it sits right next to my humble pie XD